Tracey, The Underground Pig and The Ferret ...

I have an idea!
I confess it has been inspired by a comedienne’s spot on Rob Bryson’s programme on BBC2 this evening.

Do you receive ‘cold calls’ on the telephone?
You know the sort of thing ...

“Hello, my name is Tracey. I am calling on behalf of ‘The Subterranean Porcine Detection Company'."

"Do you have an underground pig?”
(Apologies to my friend, OSM.)

Now, here’s the strategic response ...
“Hello, Tracey, how nice to here from you!”
You remember Tracey, she looks like this …



You continue thus ...
“Before I answer that question I need you to respond to a few security questions, is that OK?”

Tracey, somewhat taken from behind, says, “Yes.”
(Silly girl!)
“Please tell me your mother’s second cousin’s maiden name?” you ask.
Tracey responds with an answer that may, or may not, be accurate.
You don’t really care!

“Fine,” you say and continue, “And what is the name of your pet ferret?”
“But I haven’t got a ferret!” says Tracey.
“Correct!” you say in a congratulatory tone.

“Now, I need you to tell me the 75th letter/digit of your password.”
Tracey chooses some arbitrary alpha-numeric character.
“Right!” you say, “You are successfully logged in to your account.”

Tracey - "What account?"
You - "The database of time-wasting call-centre personnel with delightful telephone voices who stimulate my imagination."
Tracey - "Oh!"

Then …
“Will you have sex with me tonight?” you enquire.

Tracey puts down the phone.
She has not made a sale.
The pig remains underground ...
and it costs you nothing not to have sex tonight!

Life is ever thus!