More about the bowed psaltery ...

Having three strings to replace, St. Anley was seriously considering giving up playing the bowed psaltery.

A diligent research, however, led him to this image, a sketch by Daniel Gabriel Rossetti:

Now St. Anley will replace the strings and invite such players to join a new orchestra!

SCAM ...

Some aashole has hacked into my googlemail account.

Perhaps cleverly, this pseudo-person has changed my password and altered my security ‘secret question’ to “what is your library ticket number?”

"Huhh?..."

This malicious nutcase has successfully sent a message to all my e-contacts, ingenuously purporting to come from me, suggesting that I am stranded, penniless and incommunicado in Madrid.

He/she even invites you to send me money.

However welcome your donations might be, that message did not come from me.

I have never visited Madrid.

Login and recovery of my virtual address book is now denied, so I have lost all my friends!

Work in progress #3

Now I have two feet and legs.
(Digits will be replaced/added later.)
I have begun work on the underbelly:

I think I will have to seriously consider the centre of gravity of this artistic work.
I will also need to go and buy some glue.

"Two more packs of Swan Vestas matches, please ... and a tube of UHU!"

Work in progress #2

Now, about that 3-dimensional swan:
I have made a start with one foot.

Three toes point forwards, one backwards.
I believe there should be a fifth digit, (perhaps vestigial,) somewhere higher up the limb that remains to be constructed.
The other foot should be easy.

I will enrol for a course in avian anatomy tomorrow.

I googled for an image of the real thing:

These birds can break an arm with one swipe of their wing.

I was very frightened, so I searched again and found this:

Now I am petrified!

Must go to the shops now; I've run out of matches.

Experiment

Embed codes seem to have stopped working from youtube, so I thought I'd try this one ...
Beware - adult content!



It works!

Work in progress #1

I seem to have acquired a considerable collection of empty match boxes.
I was wondering how to use them creatively.
Here's my first attempt ...

I AM A SWAN!!!

Eventually I hope to make this three-dimensional, but I will have to burn a few more matches first.

On Being Whelmed ...

Today I have been considering this word:

Overwhelmed.

Some of us have been there, and there is a credible dictionary definition.

If you watch the Eurovision Song Contest, you might be underwhelmed.
Now, that last word does not appear in my English dictionary, but spell-check seems happy with it.

My question is: what is this verb ‘to whelm’?

That’s not in my dictionary either, and it is unrecognisable by spell-check.

I think it might be good to be continuously whelmed, don’t you?
Or, maybe, just occasionally.

More about trains ...

I like travelling by rail.

I always have.

Here is how I used to travel to school on a 101 class DMU:

(OK, that image is just of a model, but it is in the correct livery for the time …

and - just admire the immaculate track-work!)

I did not need to be at high speed.

Today I listened to a discussion on The Jeremy Vine Show.
(BBC, Radio 2.)

The proposed high-speed link between London and Birmingham will have a journey time of 45 minutes.

Wow, that’s impressive!
But the train won’t stop anywhere between the two termini.
“What use is that to someone who lives in the Chilterns?” asked one subscriber.

Anyway, why do people need to travel between two modern cities so rapidly?
In this age of advanced communication technology, who needs to go anywhere?
What about the telephone, fax, email and internet-based video links that facilitate near-instantaneous communication?
I accept that face-to-face meetings are sometimes necessary, but how many such meetings won’t wait until tomorrow?
Perhaps there are precious things/objects/documents that need to be delivered from hand to hand, and signatures required.
Fine, but what’s the rush?

Naturally, there will be the occasional wedding, funeral or family gathering that you feel obliged to attend.
You don’t have to do ‘day-return to Birmingham, please,’ do you?
(Particularly if the event is in some remote corner of Essex.)
You do your research, factor in your journey-time, and, if necessary, book a room at Premier Inn:

I live in a village on the outskirts of a provincial city on the South coast of England.
There is a railway station in the village, but half the trains don’t stop there, so we have an hourly service throughout the day, and two-hourly in the evening.
Here’s my magnificent local station:

It is worth visiting Bosham just to admire this fine architecture.

Occasionally I need to visit my dentist whose premises are in another village - three stations down the line. That train journey takes 14 minutes, and the timetable is usually reliable. Of course, because of an hourly service, I usually arrive at my dentist well before the appointment.

I don’t find that a problem because my dentist has a delightful receptionist who offers me coffee:

Oh, look, it's Tracey again - if she plays her cards right, she can have me!

Then I have to get home, and that often involves hanging around a drafty station, (that has no facilities,) for a bladder-challenging period of time.

I don’t need to go to London at the speed of sound.

I need a local transport system that operates frequently, on time, and stops where I need to be.

I don’t really care how long it takes

… as long as there’s a loo!

I Never Knew That ...

Now, there was I looking on the web for a song: 'I Wonder as I Wander'.
I always considered it to be traditional, but ...
Google came up with one John Jacob Niles, (1892 - 1980.)
Here he is:

I pursued this link http://www.john-jacob-niles.com/music.htm and discovered that Mr. Niles claims to have collected a snippet of the song in 1933 from an impoverished 'unwashed blond' girl, whom he reports to have been 'very lovely'.
Her name was Annie Morgan.
Perhaps she appeared thus:

JJN was clearly enchanted.
What man wouldn't be if she looked like that?
He claims to have added additional verses.
If you click on the above link, hit the 'play' option, and fast-forward to about 2min. 37secs, you will hear him sing and play it.
I was not engaged by the peculiar voice, and I continue to question the origin.
I have a book that simply entitles the piece 'Appalachian Carol', credited 'trad.', with no mention of JJN.

I continued in my search and came across a youtube post of another of JJN's recordings:
http://youtu.be/fMO-b8FM2OE
(The embed code seems to be corrupt.)
This is truly delightful.

Another Bicycle Story ...

I am charged with the task of servicing, and adding certain equipment to a bicycle.

I enjoy doing that sort of thing.

It’s a good bicycle:

I acquired some SKS ‘chromoplastic’ mudguards. They are supposed to be the best.
Here they are:

Unfortunately the front one comes with patented ‘secu-clips’. They are intended to release the guard from the front fork if you happen to run over excreta that sticks to the front tyre. You can see those black plastic bits on the ends of the stays on the carefully pre-assembled front guard; those are 'secu-clips'.
I was not impressed, and their inclusion in the system would have required the removal of 2 cm. from the stays.
Even after my decision to discard said clips, I needed to shorten the stays by 1 cm.
I discovered that a blunt hacksaw is not the best tool for such a task.

Only as small amount of blood-loss was involved in the final fitting:

Then I came to the rear mudguard, (no ‘secu-clips’ here,) and that went pretty smoothly. All the bits were there, and the stays were the correct length for a 700C wheel.
I took this photo later, after fitting the rear carrier.
See ... the mudguard even includes a reflector:

However, Ridgeback, the bike manufacturer, seems to have a strange idea about how to orientate those threaded M5 bosses on the frame.

I ended up improvising with cable ties. That worked, but I think this photo is out of focus, and might be upside-down:

The rear rack is a simple design, fairly easy to assemble and install:

Those of you who know about such things will observe that the rack is not horizontal, as recommended in the manufacturer’s instructions. The reason is that those flimsy, bendable pieces of metal that attach it to the seat-tube anchor points are not long enough.
That will have to do.
A great advantage of this particular carrier is that it has a mounting for a rear light, (see later.)

My client wanted a front basket.

“Are you sure?” I questioned.

I obtained one, and it was rather nice:

The fixing bracket, (only suitable for 25.4mm handlebars,) went on perfectly, occupying all the space that you would otherwise expect to accommodate other accessories, including your front light, (see later.)
The basket has a quick-release function – very good.

BUT! … You have to squash all your gear and brake cables behind it.

It took several hours of brake adjustment and gear-indexing to rectify the altered tension thereby generated.

THEN … you remove the basket and you’re back to square one!
That still makes no scientific sense to me.

LIGHTS!

Yes, my client wants lights; that's wise.

Having occupied all the available space on the handlebar, the front light had to go somewhere else. Here it is on the front fork:

The Q/R mounting does not foul the front wheel, but anyone wishing to remove the mounting will have to remove the wheel first.
You will, of course, notice that it is on the left.
That is because my client intends to ride the bike on the continent.

Now, have you ever noticed that rear cycle lights purchased in the UK will only fit on the right-hand side of your frame, unless you fit them upside-down - whereby they fall off?
Anyway, if you secure the lamp on the rear stay of the frame in the traditional manner, your rear pannier is now in the way.
I solved this difficulty by fitting a dusty old rear lamp to that wonderful bracket on the rear carrier that I mentioned earlier:

(Needs new batteries!)

So, now it's complete and looks thus:

I am rather pleased.

Tools required:

• 4 & 5mm spanner/socket
• 5mm hex-key
• Cross head screwdriver
• Cable-ties x 2
• Blunt hacksaw
• Sticking plaster!

Now I will pump up the tyres.

• Bicycle pump!

Iceland rules the world

I worked with an Icelandic lady once.
I liked her.

She didn't look like this, but one can dream.
Cissa was her name.
Cissa was a BIG girl.
Her command of English was elementary, although she was particularly good at fly-fishing.
"I preefer too speek viv zee tung," she said.
"Oh, GLORY!" said I.
Of course, she never tickled my trout, but she frightened the pants off me
... and that was a long time ago.

Now I can breathe again ...

Seriously, now ...

I am not impressed by Iceland.

• First, it rises from the sea, without global permission, in mid-Atlantis.
• A spontaneously generated people hunts Wales - I mean whales.
• Indigenes invent a language that is unintelligible to everyone else. That's a bit like Welsh!
• They steal our fish.
• They eat whales!
• We have a war. That's the 'Cod War'. Such description is hardly likely to be retained in the memories of those who take twentieth-century history more seriously.

• Iceland invites foreign investment.
• They misuse such investment and go bankrupt.

Here's your worthless change ...

• They accept loans upon which Iceland arrogantly defaults - both capital and interest.
• Then, in 2010, Iceland explodes, whereby air transport within the northern hemisphere is disrupted for several weeks.
• Having failed to bring about the end of the world on 21st May 2011, as predicted by a North American evangelist, Iceland sets off another bonfire.
• The Icelandic Geological Association denies all responsibility.

Now, about my planned air journey next Saturday?

• And Cissa is no longer in my life.

(Weeps!)

What is the function of that barrel-shaped thing at the extreme on of the stick?

I am working on composing a quiz right now.
It will have a maritime theme.
I searched Google images for the word 'bowsprit'.
Here's one result:

Any tasteful suggestions for a corresponding question and answer will be most welcome.

My Wife's a Celebrity

Today Jane completed a 50Km bicycle ride in aid of Action Medical Research.

Here she is being dispatched by Davina McCall.
That's Ruth, Jane's daughter, on the right.

Here's Jane leading the pack:

Later she was pictured on Meridian Tonight on ITV1.
Will celebrity go to her head?

Some of our friends now owe Jane lots of money!

The bicycles were cleaned, serviced and lubricated by St. Anley Two-Wheel Maintenance.co.uk, which establishment donated time and materials free of charge.

More about Budapest

Somebody asked, "What was the food like?"

First, we thought it wise to avoid this eating-place:

Well, the following evening we found a Greek Taverna, Dionysius, by name.
We ordered a mixed kebab platter to share:

Despite our best efforts we couldn't finish it.

The following day we stopped for lunch at a hostelry on the Buda side of the city:

The waitress was rather pretty:

The beer was VERY good:

Jane, of course insisted on exploring the local shops:

And here she is in Tesco Express:

There is a very fine market:

... where Jane spent our remaining Forints.
Here she is bargaining with a very nice Hungarian man:

"Oh, no," said I, "Not another bag!"

Spring in Budapest

Jane and I visited Bupapest during Easter.
It is a truly lovely city.
It will be even better when it's finished!

I acquired various invitations to visit local attractions like this:

There was even one advertising 'Sweet Massage Escort Agency', open from 6.00pm to 6.00am.

(Telephone: +36 (1) 3119273.)

Jane wouldn't let me accept, and google declined permission upload an interesting image.

Instead, Jane took me to the opera:

Well, I suppose the Prima Donna was rather lovely!

My Birthday Present

For my birthday Jane and I attended a concert by Chris de Burgh in Birmingham, at Symphony Hall.
Actually, I paid for the tickets!

Now, C de B has been around for many years and he seems to be more warmly received in continental Europe than on British shores. Yeah, we’ve all heard ‘Lady in Red’; I always found that a little cheesy for my taste. Nevertheless, I think he has a great voice, and he writes from the heart.

The concert was entitled ‘Moonfleet and Other Stories’.
The idea was taken from the 1898 novel Moonfleet by J. Meade Falkner. Chris’s suite of songs and narration faithfully reflects that literature. I bought the CD and read the book in advance.
The book is a good read about smuggling, piracy, love and sorrow etc. The CD, at least the ‘moonfleet’ bit, has some magnificent and triumphant music. ‘Other stories’ seemed a bit superfluous.

At the concert I was disappointed to discover that the overture was a recording played from an empty stage. I was expecting a full orchestra.
After all, this was Symphony Hall!

Then we got into the concert. A lead-guitarist, a bass-player, keyboard-person and percussionist appeared on stage, along with Chris. I cannot remember their names, but those accompanying musicians were GOOD! The keyboards managed to emulate a plethora of orchestral sounds, the drummer was spot-on and the guitarists seemed to be having a good time.

After the ‘moonfleet’ part, Chris embarked on ‘other stories’. In fact, this was a re-run of much of his earlier material.

There were some highlights:
Spanish Train,
Borderline: there’s a line in that song, “… how men can see the wisdom in a war.” That prompted rapturous applause.
I wept!
Don’t Pay the Ferryman: weird, but exciting.
Lady in Red: I nearly vomited as Chris wandered around the stalls receiving kisses from all the ladies dressed in red. He almost made a mistake with the guy in a cerise tee-shirt!

Towards the end he performed People of the World. That is an anthem that Chris wrote in memory of an Iranian woman who was shot to death during a demonstration in Tehran in 2009.
As he sang “… stand up for freedom,” people stood.
We all sang.
I moistened my handerchief again!



"Oh, pull yourself together; get a grip!" said Jane.

How to hang out washing ...

From the teaching of Saint Anley ...

It is of the utmost importance that similar items are suspended from the washing line by the same colour peg, thus:

There are three reasons for this:
First - they'll dry more quickly.
Second - it is easier to differentiate the underwear of the two genders.
Third - Jane thinks I'm autistic, and that those first two reasons are complete nonsense!

Wow!!!

These guys need a haircut!

Regarding Original Sin ...

Tracey was on the phone again today.
You’ll remember: I like Tracey.

We exchanged the customary telephonic pleasantries, without the necessity to remember my mother's maiden name or several characters from an obscure password, before she came to the point:

“Have you had an accident that wasn’t your fault?” she enquired.

I thought of several such incidents and decided to err on the side of caution.
“Yes, many!” I replied.

At this, Tracey's enquiries went up a gear. Incisively she continued: “Would you like to tell me about the first one?”

“Well, I have no clear recollection of it, but I was born.”

Tracey asked, "Are you sure it was an accident?"
"Well," said I, "I can't imagine that anyone would want to conceive me on purpose!"
“So how did you suffer as a result of this accident?”
“I suffered it well; I’ve had a lifetime of practice,” said I.

“Now, come on.” said Tracey, “Be more specific, please.”
“Well,” I responded, “How would you like to have the middle name of ‘Stanley’?”

“So is your first name ‘Accrington’?” asked Tracey.
(If only, I pondered: that would have been magnificent. I could have sported a coat of arms!)

Then Tracey asked me when this accident occurred.
I rapidly added nine months of gestation to my age and gave her an approximate date.

“Oh, that long ago!” she exclaimed.
“Who do you think was to blame for this accident?” she asked.

I paused to consider this philosophical question.
“Ultimately, Adam and Eve,” I replied.
“Oh, yes,” said Tracey, “and where are they now?”
“Somewhere in Paradise with fig-leaves, an apple tree and a snake,” was my reply.
 “ …Oh, you could try an old china-clay pit near St. Austell in Cornwall.”

Eventually Tracey announced that acts of God were beyond the scope of litigation.

Fine, but it was lovely talking to her.